In Latin, Et Alia means “Other Things”, so that is what you’ll find here – all the Other Things that don’t quite fit elsewhere. My writings from both past and present – musings on life, realizations, hopeful tidbits of wisdom.
Hello, it’s me again.
I am back at my computer after an eight week hiatus of insanity, joy, revelation and uncertainty while my partner Brian and I picked up and moved cross country, traveling 5300 miles in three weeks from the north coast of California to Washington state where we visited both family and Josiah’s grave and then back down to California, even further, all the way to Los Angeles before banking a hard left and heading east through the lower United States, finally landing on…
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I Was A Widow Once.
I was a widow once. When I say once, I mean that’s how many times it’s happened. I was the girl and then young woman who grew up always wanting to find her husband. Her tried and true. Her one and only. He would be the one thing in my life that never changed, that would hold me and promise to never leave. It’s quite possible this desire was born when I was only three years old after my parents split up, planting…
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With 74 days left in 2023, where has the time gone?
I thought I’d drop by and say hello, but I must admit in doing so that I am surprised to find my last entry was posted nearly a month ago which begs the question yet again, Where does the time go? I have an app on my phone that up until Josiah was killed, kept track of my sobriety, counting the days since I woke up saying, “Things have to change.” Don’t get me wrong, I am still sober and holding strong…
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The Tangled Lives We Live
An essay exploring the undeniable parallels of art, life and grieving.
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Writing My Truthiest Truth
Writing My Truthiest Truth – and the digging that has to be done to get there.
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Days Between
My experience with grief has been a roller coaster, as I know it is for many. When I look at the bell curve of it all, I can see the progress, the normalcy coming back into my life. The hanging frown that I could not seem to lift has faded and a smile often stretches across my face. Four years ago, when I first learned Josiah was certainly dead–and still missing–I aged ten years in a matter of weeks, but some of…
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Listen: Closer, the Podcast Episode 6: On Water with Liz Hilderbrand
11 years ago, 7 before Josiah was taken from this earth, my life fell apart. The writing had been on the wall for some time, but I just couldn’t see it. And then, BOOM! Everything came crashing down. I was so dejected. So humiliated and embarrassed at the mess that was made that I spoke to no one (well, that’s not quite true, but I certainly didn’t speak about it publicly!). Instead, I took a few minutes to breathe, okay maybe months,…
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What to do. What to do. The anxiety is speaking loudly today. How are things going for you?
Man. This new phase of my life is both a breath of fresh air and challenging. There is so much to do, to write about to acknowledge, so many that I want to thank. So many feelings that I want to explore within myself and with all of you that I sometimes get stuck on the age-old question, “Where do I begin?” Do I go chronologically? Do I ride the wave of emotional whim? Or do I sit still and listen for…
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One Wild and Precious Life
May has been quite a whirlwind. Two 50th birthdays in the house. A celebratory trip to Colorado, just the two of us. Brian’s daughter returning from her home in Europe with both grandbabies in tow. Interest from an agent. A dismissal from another. Maybe the biggest of the news is that I finally found the courage to take a leap I have been wanting to take for some time. Just after my 50th birthday on the 9th, yet before Brian’s 50th on…
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Cancel Culture in a World of Violent Crime
It’s difficult with everything going on in the world to know exactly where I fit, to know where my son’s murder fits, in the grand scheme of things. Since the beginning, I have been conscious about what I should say and what I shouldn’t say. Fear of public shaming, othering, and how we value individual human beings is a difficult issue to juggle while standing in the subjective eye of the public. Let’s roll things back a bit so that the conversation…
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Hello to my Subscribers… As I say Goodbye to 2022
Well, as much as I don’t believe in resolutions, I do think today calls for reflection and gratitude. It’s hard to believe how much has transpired, as this past year seemed to whip by. This time last year, I had a blog that I hadn’t posted to in a solid 5 years, my mom was still alive, I still had hope that charges would be brought for my son’s murder and I had still somehow escaped Covid. Now, just a year later…
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What I Didn’t Write to Close Out the Year
Here we are, just four days into the New Year and I am already looking back on last year, or was it just last week? It was Friday, the 30th, just one day away from the last day of the year, yet another whole year without my son and the last year that my mother would be alive. Both are hard for me. I had an appointment up north that had been a long time coming. Based on conversations I had with…
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On the Move…
Hello, Everyone… I am steadily plugging away on Chapter 8 of my memoir. The writing is arduous and yet, cathartic. Finally being able to tell the story of losing my son, Josiah, to homicide in 2019 is liberating. The 40 months of feeling silenced are over. Everything seemed to come to an end when the Clouds were finally sentenced for the White Swan Murders. Without digging deeper into the story, I imagine it might be confusing as to how a conviction in…
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Serendipity
It’s December again, the time to come together with people we care about and inevitably, be reminded of those we have lost. I am learning to somehow make it through the holidays, only sometimes I am doing it on my knees. I made plans early in the year to attend my dad and stepmom’s annual Christmas party. My dad had invited me for years, but I never went and if I were honest, I’d tell you that I never made it a…
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Just As It Should
August 21, 2015 – Musings on love lost and waiting for love to be found. I went for a walk in the woods today and found myself sewing together pieces of my puzzle. Tidbits of understandings, mini-epiphanies, heartfelt chunks of midlife wisdom. I understand that the Universe has thrown lesson after lesson at my feet. I have tripped over them. Wallowed in them. Shed tears because of them. Questioned the existence of God in spite of them. Until I faced them, understood…
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She’s Back
My goodness… It’s been five years since I abandoned this blog to the farthest corners of my doubtful mind. It’s easy to tuck dreams and ideas away when you just aren’t feeling good enough to achieve them. I started this blog at the urging of my sister, Kathryn. She thought that between the life I was living then, one of a scrappy and resourceful homesteader, and my love of writing that maybe I could somehow eke out a living with a blog.…
Read MoreWhat a day.
What a day.I headed north, had lunch with a very dear friend and took Dharma to the vet where they did blood tests to see how she was doing, laid out a care plan for the next few months and trained me to give her her monthly injections. When it came time to pay, they presented me with a bill for 39 dollars and change – I was blown away and confused, so I inquired why. They explained to me that they…
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Remember the Birds 