Information and links to the interview I did with the dynamic hosts of Real Crime Profile, a victim based true crime podcast. We discuss the details of Josiah's case and why advocacy is so important.
When Grief Speaks
Hello, it’s me again.
I am back at my computer after an eight week hiatus of insanity, joy, revelation and uncertainty while my partner Brian and I picked up and moved cross country, traveling 5300 miles in three weeks from the north coast of California to Washington state where we visited both family and Josiah's grave and then back … Continue reading Hello, it’s me again.
Old Photos of You
I scroll through the photos on my phone looking for ones I’ve taken long ago. When that part of me I still am today was alive without the weight I now carry. I can’t believe how far I have to go. I scroll and scroll and scroll.To find that time. The pictures flash by like … Continue reading Old Photos of You
What’s Heaven Like, Momma?
Momma and I. 1979-ish. It’s your birthday today, the second one since you left. The missing you has become mostly seamless, no more hard rise and fall, just a current that flows beneath me as time carries on. I swore I heard your voice the other night, speaking from somewhere in the back of my … Continue reading What’s Heaven Like, Momma?
Grief is Love’s Final Goodbye
Originally written May 24th, 2020, two full months into the pandemic. What an interesting and foreign time that was for all of us. I am so glad these pieces were written. They take me back to a place in time and show me how far I've come My thoughts to those who suggest I move … Continue reading Grief is Love’s Final Goodbye
Resurrection
Dogs barking, birds singing, sun shining—all calling me to the great outdoors. I’m stuck inside—safe within the walls of my home, sifting through photos, trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered life from the floor. Thoughts of resurrection and memories of a life gone by. Chapters closed. A hard bound book finished and … Continue reading Resurrection
The Absence of Color
The writing below is dated March 4, 2020. I was in the disparaging depths of traumatic grief and its close cousin, PTSD. I remember that desperation, the idea of it anyways, but am grateful to say that I am not there anymore. I still suffer the lingering effects of both--the PTSD and panic disorder sometimes … Continue reading The Absence of Color
Happy Birthday, Josiah. I love you.
I began writing this post yesterday, but had a hard time sticking with it. I had to make a cake instead. I mean I wanted to make Josiah a cake, but I'd be lying if I told you that there isn't some part of me that still wants to run for the hills when I … Continue reading Happy Birthday, Josiah. I love you.
Four Corners
Originally written July 18, 2020 I had to be reminded by my therapist yesterday that my son died from a senseless, violent crime. As in, what I was telling her negated that very loud, inarguable fact. I had conveniently slipped into regret and shame -- reworking my way through my past, his past, our lives … Continue reading Four Corners
What I Didn’t Write to Close Out the Year
Here we are, just four days into the New Year and I am already looking back on last year, or was it just last week? It was Friday, the 30th, just one day away from the last day of the year, yet another whole year without my son and the last year that my mother … Continue reading What I Didn’t Write to Close Out the Year
Remember the Birds 