I thought I’d drop by and say hello, but I must admit in doing so that I am surprised to find my last entry was posted nearly a month ago which begs the question yet again, Where does the time go?

I have an app on my phone that up until Josiah was killed, kept track of my sobriety, counting the days since I woke up saying, “Things have to change.” Don’t get me wrong, I am still sober and holding strong to my date on the calendar, but I use the app to keep count of the days since Josiah was murdered on a dark desert highway in Central Washington.

I noticed today that in one week, the ticker will read 1600 days total. It reminds me of the odometer on my aging car warning with each passing mile that our time together is coming to an end, but we’re not there yet!

So where have I been? Head down, fingers on the keyboard, working hard on Remember the Birds. There was also a road trip with my partner Brian and my new-to-me son, Connor when the three of us and the dogs took off to see a few concerts. During which, I was reminded of the passion that Josiah and I shared for live music which fueled his determination to find a ride to the Gorge. I felt close to him in that space, dancing my heart out, remembering the joy we shared.

I digress… why am I writing this today? Well, as I pour through my first draft and relive what life was like then, I find writings from long ago. Currently, I am writing about the period of time just after Josiah was found, when I travelled to Washington to view his remains before they were shipped off to the FBI crime lab in Quantico, VA. My trip held a surprise that I did not see coming and not the good kind like what you might expect on your birthday or holiday morning. I am just past there now in the writing, back home at the off-grid cabin I lived in in Northern California. It was covid’s first year and it seemed like all of Northern California was burning.

There is so much during this time that seems worth telling, so I am putting in the effort to get it all down, letting it live in this polished 2nd draft until one day when I move into the slash and burn editing (pardon the pun… okay, not really).

Lastly, what inspired this post…
I came across this entry from late summer 2020. It’s a spilling of the feelings along with a dream that needed recording. I hope you enjoy it.

September 4, 2020

It’s quite cool this morning, in the mid-40’s, fog laying on the ground, beckoning the fall.
I’ve been awake since just before five.
It was you who woke me, woke me from my dream.
It was you who was there, who I bumped into in the middle of the night.
All ten years of you with your still cherub cheeks and bright blue eyes, wearing your childish grin.
You asked if we could lay together which I thought odd.
What were you doing there in the middle of the night, hiding around the corner in the dark?
“I don’t feel good,” you said.
“You must be sick,” I said. “I’ll come cuddle with you.”
You were joyous to hear, swinging from a pull-up bar that seemed to appear out of nowhere.
And just as I realized it was you, really you, I awoke to find myself in bed, alone.
And so I closed my eyes, not to fall back asleep but just to be with you.
I could still feel you near.
And not near like grown-ups are, not with the unspoken hurts and sadness that drive the wedge between,
But like mother and child with their love so pure that nothing could pull them apart.
Not time nor space, hurt feelings or huge mistakes.
Fall is coming with its cold nights.
Fire rattling the stovepipe, dogs sleeping below.
You will finally come home after spending the summer at the seashore, fishing with old friends and new, waking up before the early morning light.
I picture you there, rod in hand, deep blue beneath your feet. It must be where you are, the house is so quiet, chimes no longer sing.
Every stellar jay has long since taken flight.
So, I sit here patiently waiting, waiting for the rain and long nights.
More time for prayer and weaving, more time for me to write.

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Today is #26 of the last 100 days of 2023. I am taking the #100daychallenge and have set the goal of completing 10 chapters in 100 days. I am happy to report that I am well ahead of schedule, having already completed four! I have set this goal so that I can start querying (looking for a literary agent) sometime early in the new year.

Thank you for following along!!!