On July 7th, I will be completing Josiah’s journey to the Gorge.

Good morning, Friends! I want to begin by saying hello to all of our new followers (and when I say our, Josiah is the other part of that equation). The outpouring of love and support from people far and wide has really helped to soften the blow of the FOUR year anniversary striking this week.

…Please read this post to the end…

Someone asked me last week how I felt about the anniversary approaching and I told them, “It’s kind of like a freight train, slow and heavy, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” I know that many of you who have experienced immense loss and the intense grief that follows know what I’m talking about. Some would say that we are moving ahead with our healing, but the flip side of the coin is that the further we move into the future, the longer it’s been since we have seen, touched, and heard the voices of our loves ones. IT’S SO HARD!!

So, much of what I once would have said to help someone feel better in a situation like this just doesn’t apply anymore and despite the way I have learned this lesson, I am so grateful to finally understand that rather than try to fix someone’s sadness, that instead, I can just show up and walk with them through it.

And that is what I am finding in the community that has sprung up around Josiah and I. Such a blessing it is!!

June 7th, Wednesday morning, I sat here at my computer to write something in honor of him to share with all of you.

I did it. I wrote.

But after I was done, I could tell that I wasn’t connecting with what I was writing despite how fast my fingers were moving on my keyboard. If anything, I was running away from the pain that was snapping at my heals.

I made it through the day by keeping things as simple and quiet as possible — both of which were broken just after 5:00 pm with a phone call from Joe Brusic, the District Attorney from Yakima County, WA. That phone call was HARD, but I did not relent. I kept pressing forward, advocating for Josiah despite what he was attempting to tell me on the other end of the line.

Afterwards, my partner (and true soulmate) Brian and I loaded up Dharma and Smokey (the two pitties brought home by Josiah and what is left of the family we shared) and then drove out to Shelter Cove, smack dab in the middle of what is dubbed California’s Lost Coast, one of Josiah’s favorite places on earth. We drove through blinding fog and rain to get there, but once we got down to sea level, beneath the cloud cover, the rain let up. We sat at Seal Point with the seal lions resting on the rocks beneath us and watched a pod of whales that were maybe all of 100 yards off of the coast. Neither of us had ever seen them so close to the shore. Sitting there, taking in that scenery, eating chili out of a thermos and the walk we took down by the tide pools afterwards, lifted the heaviness of the day. Thank goodness because that is a difficult place to stay!

The story of what happened to Josiah and in turn, to me, is long, complex and deep. It is why I am actively working on a true crime memoir, Remember the Birds — so that I can tell the story from beginning to end.

But let me tell you where things stand right now by showing you where we’ve been…

Josiah found a ride at the last minute and unbeknownst to anyone, he hopped in the car with Jon and began their trip north. They were headed to see Dead & Co at the Gorge Amphitheatre on June 7th, 2019. They had friends at the Gorge waiting for them to arrive who were already there camping. Josiah and Jon would spend the rest of the weekend with them, arriving in plenty of time to get situated before Saturday night’s show. It was late Friday night, well after Friday night’s show as they were running behind. A little over an hour south of the Gorge, they encountered two men stranded on the side of the road. Stopping to help them would be the end of their lives. They were both shot in the head, their bodies dumped and their car stolen.

Horrific I know, but I have told this story so many times that now, the hard truth passes easily over my lips.

It took 14 long months to find their remains. On August 5th, 2020, smack dab in the middle of what Deadheads refer to as the Days Between, a highway worker with a keen eye spotted something far down the bank from the highway. He was a hunter and thought maybe it was animal bones. He headed down to check it out hoping to maybe find an elk rack or skull.

The Days Between are the days that fall between Jerry Garcia’s birthday, August 1st, and his death day, August 9th, and is a period of both honoring and mourning.

The men who are thought to have killed them, James and Donovan Cloud, went on to kill five more hours later in what was dubbed the White Swan Killings or the White Swan Massacre. They were apprehended and charged. For two years, I was assured that charges were coming as strong evidence, although circumstantial, linked the killings together. Bullet casings found in the Clouds’ abandoned car (the one that left them stranded) matched ones found in Josiah and Jon’s car as well as the ones in White Swan. Not only did Federal Prosecutors not wind up charging the Clouds for crimes committed on Josiah and Jon, they wound up offering immunity for those charges in a plea agreement for White Swan. James Cloud did not accept and was found guilty on 4 counts of First Degree Murder (plus other charges) in the case of White Swan. Donovan Cloud did accept and will never face charges for Josiah’s murder IN FEDERAL COURT — because as tried, this was a federal case because it happened on the Yakama Reservation and the perpetrators were native.

So, where are we now? And why was I on the phone Joe Brusic, Yakima Co’s District Attorney on the Four Year Anniversary of Josiah’s death? Well, despite the plea deal, I HAVE NOT STOPPED ADVOCATING FOR JOSIAH. It has been determined that since the crime happened on a state highway (Hwy 97) and because the victims (Josiah and Jon) were not native, the crimes committed against them very much fall into Yakima County’s jurisdiction and despite the uphill slog that it will be to bring this case to court, Joe Brusic has agreed to look it over and determine if there is enough evidence to press charges against James and Donovan Cloud.

I also just filed a formal complaint against federal prosecutors and my victims’ advocate for violating my rights under the Crime Victims’ Rights Act by prohibiting me from reading my Victims’ Impact Statement during federal sentencing this past October (2022) among other issues around the plea agreement. I do not know where this complaint will lead, but the Victims’ Rights Ombuds in Washington, DC spoke to me at length and advised that I could move forward with the complaint process, which I did. You can read my VIS here and about my experience with Federal Prosecutors and my advocate in regards to the sentencing here.

I have traversed this journey with as much grace as I can muster. I have asked hard questions and not accepted answers that are not in alignment with what I know to be right while staying dedicated to being kind!! Josiah was one of the biggest hearted people that has ever walked this earth and I’m not going to back down or stop moving forward until all avenues have been explored and all questions have been asked. One baby step at a time!

I have recently sent in a resignation from my job so that I can focus all of my time on advocacy and writing the book! My last day is at the end of the month.

AND NOW, for the next BIG STEP in this JOURNEY…

Dead & Co are currently out on their FINAL TOUR and they are returning to the Gorge Amphitheatre in Eastern Washington for the very last time. When Josiah first went missing, I swore that I would never go there, but here we are, four years later, and I have made the decision TO GO.

On Wednesday, July 5th, my partner Brian and I along with our dogs, Dharma and Smokey, will begin our trek north from our home in Humboldt Co, California, to attend both shows at the Gorge on July 7th and 8th. We will be stopping to pay homage at the cross made and erected by members of the Yakama Tribe. I am hoping to organize a meet up there with the incredible people who have followed and supported us on this journey. Will you be there?

I would love to meet those of you who are traveling to the Gorge too! I will continue to update my blog with information as we get closer to the date. You can also follow along on Facebook on my Remember the Birds page or Help Bring Josiah Home, the page that’s been up since Josiah first went missing. You can find me on Twitter (@LizHilderbrand) and also on Instagram.

Please subscribe to this blog if you haven’t already!!

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And please let me know if you plan to attend the shows at the Gorge!

If you are not going and would like to help, you can donate at the bottom of this page. All help–whether thoughts, prayers or monetary–are greatly appreciated!

Here are few pictures I thought you might like!

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