Josiah in the White Mountains of Maine on an Outward Bound Trip, 2009, ten years before he was killed. I came across a Facebook post the other day from early 2020, just 6 months after Josiah was murdered and while his body was still missing. In it, I said something to the effect of, "You … Continue reading 100 Different Answers
true crime
On the Move…
Hello, Everyone... I am steadily plugging away on Chapter 8 of my memoir. The writing is arduous and yet, cathartic. Finally being able to tell the story of losing my son, Josiah, to homicide in 2019 is liberating. The 40 months of feeling silenced are over. Everything seemed to come to an end when the … Continue reading On the Move…
He Mattered
This is a personal account of my own truth according to my memory, perspective and experiences. On Friday, June 7, 2019, my son, Josiah Hilderbrand, was murdered during a carjacking on the side of Highway 97, about thirteen miles south of Toppenish, Washington. Josiah and the driver of the vehicle, Jon Cleary, had stopped to … Continue reading He Mattered
Victims Impact Statement – Josiah Michael Hilderbrand
In August 2020, just two weeks after my son Josiah’s remains were found, my sister and I travelled to Yakima and were taken by the FBI to where he had lain for 14 months. I covered the area with flowers from home and left a rock from the Eel River that I hand painted as … Continue reading Victims Impact Statement – Josiah Michael Hilderbrand
In the Middle of Grief Somewhere
Originally written September 14, 2019 There is a little girl inside of me, In the depths of the silence of absence. In the far reaches of my soul. Who screams out between the sobbing and gasps for air, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!” Only I do. I understand how it feels that no one else understands. And … Continue reading In the Middle of Grief Somewhere
The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Originally written August 30, 2020 Many people have said to me that their pain does not compare to mine. Or that when they feel like they are having a hard time, they think of me and it puts things in perspective. If my suffering and the challenges I face can bring you a glimmer of … Continue reading The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Even When We Seem Unacceptable
I wrote this piece eight months after my son's murder, when his remains were still missing. My life at that time consisted of searching endlessly for him. However, enough time had passed that I was starting to get pressure from some to rejoin the world, to be more positive, to improve my outlook. I felt … Continue reading Even When We Seem Unacceptable
When I Keep My Grieving Small
Originally written February 25, 2020 I seem to do okay when I keep my grieving small. I do not mean minimized or sidelined or not thought about. I mean when I keep my feelings to bite sized chunks with words like, “I miss him." “I miss his laugh." “I wish I could see him today." … Continue reading When I Keep My Grieving Small
Preface ~ From the Top.
Preface/Chapter 1 ~ From the Top Josiah Michael Hilderbrand was born on a snowy February morning in 1994. At the time, we were living in an off grid trailer in the mountains east of Arcata, California. There was a lot left to be desired about the trailer, but considering where we had come from, I … Continue reading Preface ~ From the Top.
Remember the Birds 