Can we use words to heal? Beyond the wanting of accountability from others but through the telling of our own stories? Is it a thing? Is it a way for justice to finally be served?
missing persons
Pearly White Teeth.
As I continue to plug along with the writing of the book, Remember the Birds, I come across content first shared on my Facebook page. At that time, it was a way to get the feelings out of my body before they turned to rancor. Although there were people in my life who gave me … Continue reading Pearly White Teeth.
100 Different Answers
Josiah in the White Mountains of Maine on an Outward Bound Trip, 2009, ten years before he was killed. I came across a Facebook post the other day from early 2020, just 6 months after Josiah was murdered and while his body was still missing. In it, I said something to the effect of, "You … Continue reading 100 Different Answers
Four Corners
Originally written July 18, 2020 I had to be reminded by my therapist yesterday that my son died from a senseless, violent crime. As in, what I was telling her negated that very loud, inarguable fact. I had conveniently slipped into regret and shame -- reworking my way through my past, his past, our lives … Continue reading Four Corners
He Mattered
This is a personal account of my own truth according to my memory, perspective and experiences. On Friday, June 7, 2019, my son, Josiah Hilderbrand, was murdered during a carjacking on the side of Highway 97, about thirteen miles south of Toppenish, Washington. Josiah and the driver of the vehicle, Jon Cleary, had stopped to … Continue reading He Mattered
Victims Impact Statement – Josiah Michael Hilderbrand
In August 2020, just two weeks after my son Josiah’s remains were found, my sister and I travelled to Yakima and were taken by the FBI to where he had lain for 14 months. I covered the area with flowers from home and left a rock from the Eel River that I hand painted as … Continue reading Victims Impact Statement – Josiah Michael Hilderbrand
In the Middle of Grief Somewhere
Originally written September 14, 2019 There is a little girl inside of me, In the depths of the silence of absence. In the far reaches of my soul. Who screams out between the sobbing and gasps for air, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!” Only I do. I understand how it feels that no one else understands. And … Continue reading In the Middle of Grief Somewhere
The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Originally written August 30, 2020 Many people have said to me that their pain does not compare to mine. Or that when they feel like they are having a hard time, they think of me and it puts things in perspective. If my suffering and the challenges I face can bring you a glimmer of … Continue reading The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Even When We Seem Unacceptable
I wrote this piece eight months after my son's murder, when his remains were still missing. My life at that time consisted of searching endlessly for him. However, enough time had passed that I was starting to get pressure from some to rejoin the world, to be more positive, to improve my outlook. I felt … Continue reading Even When We Seem Unacceptable
The Hermit Thrush’s Same Old Song
Originally written April 24, 2020 The hermit thrushes are back. There is little I enjoy more than these sweet little birds singing their ethereal songs, delivering messages from the heavens above. I imagine Josiah floats on their melodies, through the woods, the trees and their leaves. Perhaps he doesn’t just cling to my heart or to … Continue reading The Hermit Thrush’s Same Old Song
Remember the Birds 