Dressing the grave. My sister took this photo of me in August 2020. Josiah's remains were found in this spot 2 1/2 weeks earlier. Photo credit: Kathryn Hilderbrand It’s difficult with everything going on in the world to know exactly where I fit, to know where my son’s murder fits, in the grand scheme of … Continue reading Cancel Culture in a World of Violent Crime
help bring Josiah home
Resurrection
Dogs barking, birds singing, sun shining—all calling me to the great outdoors. I’m stuck inside—safe within the walls of my home, sifting through photos, trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered life from the floor. Thoughts of resurrection and memories of a life gone by. Chapters closed. A hard bound book finished and … Continue reading Resurrection
Write to Justice?
Can we use words to heal? Beyond the wanting of accountability from others but through the telling of our own stories? Is it a thing? Is it a way for justice to finally be served?
The Absence of Color
The writing below is dated March 4, 2020. I was in the disparaging depths of traumatic grief and its close cousin, PTSD. I remember that desperation, the idea of it anyways, but am grateful to say that I am not there anymore. I still suffer the lingering effects of both--the PTSD and panic disorder sometimes … Continue reading The Absence of Color
Pearly White Teeth.
As I continue to plug along with the writing of the book, Remember the Birds, I come across content first shared on my Facebook page. At that time, it was a way to get the feelings out of my body before they turned to rancor. Although there were people in my life who gave me … Continue reading Pearly White Teeth.
100 Different Answers
Josiah in the White Mountains of Maine on an Outward Bound Trip, 2009, ten years before he was killed. I came across a Facebook post the other day from early 2020, just 6 months after Josiah was murdered and while his body was still missing. In it, I said something to the effect of, "You … Continue reading 100 Different Answers
Four Corners
Originally written July 18, 2020 I had to be reminded by my therapist yesterday that my son died from a senseless, violent crime. As in, what I was telling her negated that very loud, inarguable fact. I had conveniently slipped into regret and shame -- reworking my way through my past, his past, our lives … Continue reading Four Corners
Hello to my Subscribers… As I say Goodbye to 2022
Well, as much as I don’t believe in resolutions, I do think today calls for reflection and gratitude. It’s hard to believe how much has transpired, as this past year seemed to whip by. This time last year, I had a blog that I hadn’t posted to in a solid 5 years, my mom was … Continue reading Hello to my Subscribers… As I say Goodbye to 2022
Serendipity
It’s December again, the time to come together with people we care about and inevitably, be reminded of those we have lost. I am learning to somehow make it through the holidays, only sometimes I am doing it on my knees. I made plans early in the year to attend my dad and stepmom’s annual … Continue reading Serendipity
On the Move…
Hello, Everyone... I am steadily plugging away on Chapter 8 of my memoir. The writing is arduous and yet, cathartic. Finally being able to tell the story of losing my son, Josiah, to homicide in 2019 is liberating. The 40 months of feeling silenced are over. Everything seemed to come to an end when the … Continue reading On the Move…
Remember the Birds 