Originally written September 14, 2019 There is a little girl inside of me, In the depths of the silence of absence. In the far reaches of my soul. Who screams out between the sobbing and gasps for air, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!” Only I do. I understand how it feels that no one else understands. And … Continue reading In the Middle of Grief Somewhere
grief
The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Originally written August 30, 2020 Many people have said to me that their pain does not compare to mine. Or that when they feel like they are having a hard time, they think of me and it puts things in perspective. If my suffering and the challenges I face can bring you a glimmer of … Continue reading The Tears We Shed Are The Same
Even When We Seem Unacceptable
I wrote this piece eight months after my son's murder, when his remains were still missing. My life at that time consisted of searching endlessly for him. However, enough time had passed that I was starting to get pressure from some to rejoin the world, to be more positive, to improve my outlook. I felt … Continue reading Even When We Seem Unacceptable
The Hermit Thrush’s Same Old Song
Originally written April 24, 2020 The hermit thrushes are back. There is little I enjoy more than these sweet little birds singing their ethereal songs, delivering messages from the heavens above. I imagine Josiah floats on their melodies, through the woods, the trees and their leaves. Perhaps he doesn’t just cling to my heart or to … Continue reading The Hermit Thrush’s Same Old Song
Sometimes Silence is Overrated
Originally written November 23, 2021 Early morning pitch black conversation: “I miss him so much.” “I know baby. I can only imagine.” I miss the noise his presence brought to my life. The chaos of his unconventional living. The "Mom’s?" that seemed to crescendo at the end with an inflection that proved he still needed … Continue reading Sometimes Silence is Overrated
When I Keep My Grieving Small
Originally written February 25, 2020 I seem to do okay when I keep my grieving small. I do not mean minimized or sidelined or not thought about. I mean when I keep my feelings to bite sized chunks with words like, “I miss him." “I miss his laugh." “I wish I could see him today." … Continue reading When I Keep My Grieving Small
My Heart Hurts Today
Originally written July 30, 2019 My heart hurts today. More than yesterday or the day before. I seem to slip in and out of the depths of my grief. I can only assume that is what the psyche does to preserve itself. To keep our hearts beating and lungs inhaling and exhaling. To keep us … Continue reading My Heart Hurts Today
No Point to Return to
Originally written July 26, 2020 I’ve really been struggling this past week. At the same time, I could tell you that it has been a good week. One that in many ways feels like the life I used to live. It is summertime and summer is so insanely demanding when I live it right. Working … Continue reading No Point to Return to
She’s Back
She's Back My goodness... It's been five years since I abandoned this blog to the farthest corners of my doubtful mind. It's easy to tuck dreams and ideas away when you just aren't feeling good enough to achieve them. I started this blog at the urging of my sister, Kathryn. She thought that between the … Continue reading She’s Back
Remember the Birds 