The bits of joy in my life are so present and yet the heartbreak is so intense, so overwhelming.

It is impossible for grief like this to not change me, to not rip me from beneath the layers of who I once thought I was.

Nothing seems trivial anymore.

It’s all precious and fleeting and deliciously sweet.

I cannot imagine a life ever again filled with small talk, absent of heart to heart conversations about the things I hold dear.

When I look people in the eyes, I want to connect with the very depths of who they are, the precious bits they hide away in fear that someone might see.

May God bless us with lives rich in meaning, love and compassion.

May we be blessed with the company of people who bear wide open hearts and a deep desire to understand us.

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When Grief Speaks is a selection of writings that originated as journal entries and Facebook posts when I was in early grief after my son, Josiah, was killed. They speak straight from the heart, from the depths of despair that many bereaved find themselves in. I offer them here to not only openly share myself with you, but also to connect with those who may feel as I once did. As grief unfolds and matures, it changes. We grow grief muscles that we never wanted. At some point, we find that we can carry what we once thought would crush us and in that, we find hope.