Originally written August 30, 2020

Many people have said to me that their pain does not compare to mine.

Or that when they feel like they are having a hard time, they think of me and it puts things in perspective.

If my suffering and the challenges I face can bring you a glimmer of hope, wonderful, but do not diminish your own pain, your own challenges or your own fears by thinking mine are so much greater.

They are not.

The worst suffering in the world is our own, the tears we shed and sleepless nights we experience are the same.

In no way do you need to “man up” or try to be “more positive” or “be grateful”.

These can all be useful frames of mind, but are not helpful when used to address our woes or difficult times.

I spent a lifetime thinking that my hurt or disappointment was somehow a lack of appreciation for all that I had.

I’ve found that not to be true.

When you are hurt, scared or disappointed, speak to it, hold it, nourish it and give it space to be. 

I am here walking this path because it is what was sent to me.

The same goes for all of us.

Everything in front of us can and will teach us what we are meant to learn.

To negate our lessons and minimize our feelings is to miss the point.

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When Grief Speaks is a selection of writings that originated as journal entries and Facebook posts when I was in early grief after my son, Josiah, was killed. They speak straight from the heart, from the depths of despair that many bereaved find themselves in. I offer them here to not only openly share myself with you, but also to connect with those who may feel as I once did. As grief unfolds and matures, it changes. We grow grief muscles that we never wanted. At some point, we find that we can carry what we once thought would crush us and in that, we find hope.